Procrastination (Sloth)

I'm sure many of you have done the same. Leaving homeworks til the very last minute. What goes on in your mind? Why don't you complete it when you have the time?

I've done alot of slothing around. Skipping classes, sleeping during awkward times (though now I have insomnia...), lazing around doing nothing but staying on facebook hoping someone updates their status.

I'm growing tired of this... lazing around is BORING!
and yet... somehow I can't seem to get that homework done =.=

Feedbacks on my emo posts for the month (Pride + Greed)

There has been people who sent me feedbacks and wrote them on their blogs. Yes I am aware that I have sufficiently enough.
I have friends. I'm alive. I'm healthy. I have food. I have some talent others doesn't have.

Well, as with envy, I'm greedy. I want more.
I want more friends.
I wanna feel more alive.
I don't just want to be healthy, I want to be fit.
I don't just wanna eat a 1 entree meal. I want a 2 entree. (with desserts... though this isn't happening lately as explained in my 'gluttony' post)

I'm rather demanding. Greed has taken over.

Regarding hand/leg/finger eye coordination, there's always someone better out there. I feel like I have to outbest them. Again, envy plays a part. I envy them if they're better than me.
Dota? Yes, I know I'm better than most players but again, if I lose, I felt a part of my pride is lost.


And btw, if you think I'm going on a downward spiral to my doom, worry not. When I emo, I reflect on myself and try to make myself a better person.
"Why do we fall Bruce? So we can stand back up again"
"A racer that hasn't lost a race will never know the true joy of victory"

Next : Sloth....

Everyone else has a better life (Envy)

I know it's wrong for me to assume that, but when you envy someone, the thing that sticks to your head is all the good things he/she has. Yes, I've seen them during times when they're down but those are easily covered up by their smiling faces.

Openness :
Before I came to the states, I keep my feelings closed up. All the anger, sorrow, happiness all dwelling deep inside wanting to get out but couldn't . I can't seem to trust anyone mainly because I know I'd incriminate myself.
It was back in Primary school when I had a crush on someone... I told this guy because I trusted him and then news spreaded like a wild fire. Emotions took over and the attention was too much to bear. I've lost trust in telling anyone my feelings be it good or bad. Even expressing them has been hard for me. Yea, for about 6~8 years I've been keeping everything inside me.
Yes, my patience and tolerance is that strong.

During those 6~8 years, I noticed other people speaking what they think. Speaking their mind out not caring of what others think of them. I can't seem to do that. I envy them.

Now I'm out of my shell. As you can see from the last few posts, I'm letting (almost) everything out. I've held all my sorrows and suffering long enough. My happiness? I can't seem to remember them at the moment.


Social Issues :
Right now most of my friends are smooth talkers. Knowing what to say at times and know when to keep their mouth shut. Envious of them I tried but failed. They socialize with people and manage to break the ice in a matter of minutes rather than me who takes almost forever. I guess it's the way I was brought up ...

Family :
I go to a friends home, I see pictures of them and their family. I hear them saying they're gonna call up their parents and talk to them every week. Me, I hardly talk to my parents. Even if I do, I'm usually lost for words. I've mentioned in one of my last posts that I have an awkward relationship with my parents. Again, I know they love and care for me... but I don't feel it...

There are alot of other stuff I envy others of, but I won't list it out here. I'd rather not make my state of mind worst off than I needed. I've got 2 exams for the week ahead and I should get back to studying. ..... One more :

Studies :
People are smarter than me, no matter how hard I try......

Next : Pride

Appetite for Happiness (Gluttony)

"Eat to live; Don't live to eat"

Apparently right now due to my continuous phases of emoness, I'm losing appetite and losing sleep.

I remember my time back in high school where gobbling food during my 20 minute recess. Nasi lemak, hot dogs, and a cup of milo. Less than an hour later, my stomach starts growling for more.
Not just that, in family dinners I'd eat about 3 1/2 bowls of rice with the dishes.....

Now after moving to the states, homesickness and food that isn't on par with Malaysian food is causing my appetite to decrease. Add that with my current state of emoness.... and I can barely eat. I had to force it down or I wont survive the next day.
Even if I do eat, my metabolism rate has deteriorated to the point where I can't stay skinny anymore. I'm getting old. My organs aren't what they used to be.

Today at this moment, it's 3:30pm and I haven't taken a single bite out of anything. (Other than an intestinal cleaner which is said to clean up my stomach)

Since we're on the topic of food, I noticed that most of my female friends tend to eat alot when they're stressed. Apparently chocolate calms them down.
I envy them. Being able to fool their minds thinking everything's okay as long as they eat. Some of them are just like me, eat alot and never get fat. So they just eat whatever's infront of them without a worry knowing all their sorrows can be digested away.


Next post : Talking on the topic of "Envy"