I've been thinking...

The last two weeks has been boring for me... to the point that I've started to annoy some people. My inconsideration towards people who are currently busy with their own lives and studying for finals/ completing final projects has left me feeling outcasted and ignored at times.
Maybe I should just stop this. This needless seeking of attention and spamming facebook like a retard.

Heck even my prospective employer is ignoring me. I think that they could be hoping I'd forget about them even though they did mention they were busy. How busy I wouldn't know. They haven't been communicating much with me. I guess I'm just bad at reading these subtle stuff and always take it to the extreme. If not told, I'll just think, "Oh it's nothing. He's probably just busy. Treat him normally." .

Some of you probably even know the last time this shit happened. Ask a friend for help on a future date, they said okay but totally ignore you when the time comes. A message or notification would suffice. I don't know if this is the Malaysian attitude or just the general cliche response if you don't like a person.

Sigh... it's probably just me. Rather than rage and go crazy I usually take it out on myself and not blame others. There was a question brought up to me once in an interview,
"What would you do if your co-worker installed an equipment wrongly?"
I don't know if this was part of the reason why I wasn't hired but I answered, "It would be my fault for not supervising the workers properly or my instructions weren't clear, simple or detailed enough."
To me that showed that I was responsible. Then when I realized I didn't get that position, I wondered if instead that showed weakness. Weakness of not being able to trust your own workers, colleagues and friends.


And if I've done something wrong, I can't wait for it to fix itself. I want it fixed A.S.A.P. if not immediately. I broke something, I can't just leave it. My guilt will haunt and torture me for weeks to come. I'd rather come out with the truth that I broke it and apologize rather than keeping it in.

Still years have passed. I think I may have gotten over it... then again I wouldn't know until it's actually happened... and it did. Didn't take it so well but probably not as bad as the last time I was totally ignored when in need. I know I've done a bunch of things like this before... I guess it's karma. But the problem is (at least for me) is that I only remember clearly when it happens to me... and not when I do it on to others.

Edit : It's times like these I feel that I'm a nuisance to everyone I talk to. That it would probably be better if I hadn't open my mouth or just mingle around. Even if I had a volleyball as a friend I'd probably annoy it to death.