Was it my parents who nags me to stop playing games all the time?
Was it my teacher? Friends? Cousins? Neither.
What motivated me back then was because I wanted to get into the science stream. I always thought that you CAN'T TAKE ANY SCIENCE CLASSES UNLESS YOU GET AN "A" FOR MATHS AND SCIENCE in PMR.
So I worked really hard and obtained the A.
Next was in Form4~Form 5.
Can't really remember much on this. It's very fuzzy but I recall trying to best my previous results for PMR. Dignity on the line. Not to mention I was always going around calling myself "The one and only Genious" (yes that genius was spelt that way for sarcasm).
So I worked hard on Bio, Phys, and Chem. Not to mention a purely self study subject which was Ekonomi Asas which I never go to class and did all studying at home on my own just to prove that I can. Well.... the final SPM results didn't come out as I expected. Still, it was an acceptable result.
HELP college years (1~3 years)
Seriously I don't know what's motivating me at this time. All I see was that I was left behind half a year from my school friends who didn't have to do National Service. All I had in mind was catching up to them. Trying to graduate as soon as possible. But bad results in HELP pushed me back 2 semesters before I was accepted to ISU. I guess my motivation came during the last 2 semesters at HELP. "Cannot fail or you can't go to US"
ISU (Fall 2007 til now)
So here I am in ISU. First sem here, I thought it's a good time to boost my horrific CGPA which was resetted upon reaching here. Sadly after 2 semesters.... that motivation was lost. Now currently in my Spring 09 semester... I think I've lost it.
What am I reaching for?
What is my goal?
What am I doing?
All semester I've been emoing realizing how much of a failure I am.
Why the heck am I still studying?
Stress's piling up on me. Emotions taking over.
Mentally I'm exhausted. Physically I'm clueless on how my body feels.
No one will guide me. No one will help me.
Nothing can push me forward. Nothing can stop me.
Somebody help me. Somebody save me.
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